#33 The FIRST ANTIPODEAN TEA

The First Antipodean Tea – Saturday 30^th July 2016      

The Lavender Bistro, Swan Valley, Perth, Australia AUD$34 for High Tea with Sparkling Rosé

The eagle eyed amongst you will have noticed two things immediately about this blog. Firstly it is published a staggering 3 weeks after the event, where usually it is within days, and secondly that it was, in fact, consumed in Australia, which is the reason for the delay. Yes indeedy, I have been on my travels, taking the husband and children with me, and we have visited lovely friends in lovely Western Australia. So now I can accurately claim that my afternoon tea musings are an international, if not world-wide, phenomenon.

My dear and lovely friend A who is Australian and who I have known for years, having shared a flat together in London and many adventures that are now the subject of a restraining order all on their own, was really keen to take me on an exploration of the Australian version of the Afternoon Tea whilst I was visiting. Things are slightly different here. Dining is less formal in general, often accompanied by alcohol and the Tea here is called High Tea. I was keen to sample what was on offer and share it with A, especially as she promised that each one could be accompanied by bubbles of an alcoholic variety.

Our first adventured was in the Swan Valley wine producing area. A great place to start, and making the most of our escape from respective spouses and my children we took a short detour on the way to sample wine and chocolate. Excellent plan!

The Lavender Bistro is a busy, café style establishment with a small shop attached selling lavender themed goodies from the edible to lotions, potions and decorated gifts. We had a window table, that was lovely and bright but with a view of the car park. Good job we came for the food.

First to be served was a lovely glass of sparkling Rosé, which bubbled brightly and went down far too easily. It was swiftly followed by a cake stand filled with vegetarian treats which they had provided at short notice. The cake stand had a really pretty lavender motif on it and the plain white crockery was complimented by purple serviettes and a purple water bottle which nicely matched my phone case. How did they know?

We tackled the savouries first as they were fresh and warm and smelling too delicious to wait for. There was a crispy filo shell with a spicy red pepper filling, a warm pumpkin tart with deliciously thin and crumbly pastry and the most divine herb scone which was crisp on the outside, soft on the inside, with the right amount of herb flavour and definitely not claggy.

Next up was the sandwiches, curried egg mayo and tuna mayo with capers both bursting with flavour and tangy on the taste buds. Neither filling I had had before and both of which I will definitely be trying at home. Finally a colourful little brioche style bun with crunchy cucumber and cream cheese that tasted properly of cucumber. A good selection.

It was at this point I held forth about the Cake strategy to A. Whilst I told her I didn’t expect her to eat them in the same order she was educated in the Way of the Tea, learned how to approach the cake and to leave the scone until last and thus she became a new devotee. (No this is not another way of saying indoctrinated thank you.)

First up was a little chocolate bun with buttercream. We think it was also mixed with banana as it was not very chocolatey at all and had that strange elastic texture that you get from adding banana to cake. The buttercream was really sweet too. A charmingly presented piece of carrot cake was better and had juicy chunks of pineapple in it as well as walnuts, and the cream cheese frosting was nice. This was followed by a crisp pastry tart containing a soft vanilla custard which was lovely. The strawberry slices on top were not so lovely, very watery and no flavour to them unfortunately.

And so there was left two little lavender scones each. They were a bit chewy and rubbery and very over-poweringly lavender in flavour. The jam was nice, strawberry infused with lavender and the cream was Chantilly (I don’t think Australian tastes run to clotted cream so I am making allowances and definitely not making a fuss) but the overall scone impression was not favourable.

Our pots of tea were served at this point, mine a good English Breakfast and A had Lavender which smelled like toilet cleaner but tasted ok. The Lavender theme is strong throughout the tea, the cake stand is decorated prettily, the table had lavender flowers on it and details are picked out in a robust purple. You are in no doubt that this is a Lavender Bistro.

As July is definitely Australian Winter (laughs hysterically at the lack of cold…..) it starts getting dark early and so before we lost the light it was time to jump back into the car and head off to retrieve husbands and children who had been looking at animals all afternoon.

I think we had the better time.

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                ***          Friendly but not over solicitous

Amount of Food:               ***          We ate it all and were full, but I managed dinner later

Quality of Food:                **1/2      Savouries by far the best part

Value for money:              Difficult to say as it is the equivalent of £20 and for the cost it does not compare particularly well in the UK. However, against other Teas in Western Australia I think it is very competitively priced.

Description:                        ‘love the herb scones’ ‘Nothing is too big’

The website is here http://www.lavenderbistro.com.au/

They are on Trip Advisor https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g2146238-d2007515-Reviews-Cape_Lavendar-West_Swan_Swan_Valley_Greater_Perth_Western_Australia.html  they are also on Facebook and Twitter.

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxkipcAcLXs to go with the Lavender theme!

 

#31 The SCONE SABOTAGE TEA

The Scone Sabotage Tea – Saturday 21^st May 2016      

Mad Hatters Tea Rooms, Ulverston £16 for two

In need of a de-stressing afternoon W and I decided this week we would escape for an hour or two on Saturday to go for a cuppa and cake and if it became an afternoon tea, then all the better. I had been eyeing up this little tea room for a while and it seemed the perfect occasion to give it a whirl. W and I are big fans of quaint and we weren’t disappointed, lovely retro pieces for display, for sale and for use by patrons. The menus are hung on the back of solid wooden chairs and each table has a magnifying glass to fit the theme but also to help those of us who need a little magnification in our lives.

We were a little late in arriving but they were still accommodating enough to make us a full afternoon tea. Jolly decent of them, especially given how long we stayed after closing time…

Both having chosen tea we were quickly supplied with a huge pot of the stuff and charmingly mis-matched crockery to go along with it. We settled down to natter, admire the things on display and (in my case) sing along loudly to the Patsy Cline music being played. I am a big fan of hers, all heart-break and man-done-me-wrong fiftiesness, great for a hearty impromptu karaoke.

So to business. Along came the cake stand accompanied by a plate with dishes of jam and cream. We were very taken with these little dishes and the little jam/cream spoons with that shell like fluted pattern that reminds me of my nana. Don’t tell W, but I am thinking of purchasing a set for her for Christmas.

We were so engrossed in our conversation that whilst we did tuck in, it was not with our usual unseemly haste and we actually managed to savour each one for a change. There was a variety of brown and white bread that was fresh and well buttered and the fillings were good and fresh too. A chunky egg mayo was not too smothered in mayo and you could really taste the egg. The cucumber nice but just needed a little salt, and the squashy layer of the cream cheese sandwich was just right to give that tang you expect.

Today’s cake strategy was difficult with the choices on offer. All looked lovely and probably it wouldn’t have mattered what order we ate them in as they were all really good and delicious. A choice had to be made so I went chocolate tart first, so it would have cleared my palate before the scone at the end. It was rich and smooth with a cake case rather than the expected pastry, and was none the worse for it. Next I went for the fruit meringue which just melted away and the fruit on top was an unusual combination of strawberry, pineapple and orange that worked surprisingly well. Finally a moist tart lemon cake that had that texture and taste that tells you it is homemade and reminds you of Sundays at your nana’s.

And just like that we arrived at the scone. Fruity, with mixed peel too, crumbly outside soft in the middle and a good size of knobbliness. Plenty of butter was provided and jam and cream. Whipped it is true but then this was not an afternoon for quibbling and for the price to be expected. With the strawberry that had been perched on top I soon made a lovely pair of fat scones, buttery, jammy, creamy and begging to be eaten. What happened next I can only describe as jealousy on W’s part. Sabotage dear reader. Sabotage! Well attempted sabotage. She callously threw the jam dish at my plate with the true aim of disturbing my perfect pleasure. Foiled! I managed to heroically to save my little scone halves and ate them up double-quick to prevent further harm. Now she claims it was an accident, but I will let you make up your own minds.

By this time it was past closing time and we had been enjoying ourselves so much we hadn’t noticed. Sheepishly we paid the bill, but then were so distracted by the bits and bobs on display we stayed another ten minutes, although W did buy a pretty tea-for-one cup and plate set and a honey jar so I don’t think they were too annoyed with us. What a truly raucous life we lead, last to leave a tea shop! I remember when we were thrown out of pubs.

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                ***          Friendly and patient

Amount of Food:               ***1/2    Just the right amount for a Saturday afternoon treat

Quality of Food:                ***1/2    Lovely fresh cakes each with a twist and well filled sandwiches

Value for money:              ****        A good value treat

Description:                       ‘Quaint tea rooms with some exciting little knick-knacks’ ‘Home made cake just like my nana made’

There is no website that I can find.

They are on Trip Advisor https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g499564-d5279802-Reviews-Mad_Hatters_Tea_Rooms-Ulverston_Cumbria_England.html they are also on Facebook.

 

And my suggested tracks for today’s tea are https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kM9BgXP6cW4

 

#26 The POP-UP TEA

The Pop-Up Tea – Saturday 19^th March 2016      

Barrow Cricket Club, Barrow-in-Furness £15 for a Buffet Style Afternoon Tea

I discovered this event by accident on Facebook and asked a few of my less regular accomplices to come along to try out with me. Tickets sell fast for the once a month events and I have had mine since early February!

Anticipation was high as the day was drenched in warm spring sun and as we walked in to a sumptuously arranged room we were greeted by two huge tables groaning under the weight of plates and plates of food.

Tables are allocated to customers and we were led to ours, out of the gorgeous sunny room into a dark little side bar room with a few tables set up and instead of a view of the cricket pitch we were treated to an old slot machine, a grimy pool table and a wall of football and rugby shirts. To say we were disappointed was an understatement.

Service of drinks was prompt and attentive all afternoon, plenty of top ups of hot water and at least 13 offerings of coffee, every time declined as none of us drinks it at afternoon tea and we did say this. Every time. It made us laugh, immoderately. Every time. We are somewhat predictable I fear.

At this point I must mention the crockery. Shabby chic mismatched cups, plates and saucers give a jaunty feel and some of the items were delightful. Of particular note were the selection of comedy teapots, including a cabbage and a crown, and a fantastic teacup shaped like a gazunder that S had to drink from, which made me helpless every time I spotted it. Sorry S.

Each person had a plate in front of them to go and help themselves from the buffet tables. Dutifully we trooped off. Going between the gloomy little ante room we were in and the main room seemed to highlight our banishment as the main room was buzzing and bubbling with life. Still we were looking forward to the food. And the entertainment, which was a local young lady who is very talented and deserves a much wider audience. She was excellent.

Savoury selection first, open sandwiches of ham, beef, and cheese savoury were joined by closed egg mayo sandwiches and little pastry quiches. All were heavily decorated with salad and accompanied by large bowls of carrot, pasta and green bean salads. All perfectly nice, but nothing stand out or unexpectedly amazing and it was the colourful decorations that made them attractive.

Cakes next and we had already had a look at what was on offer. G and the youngster T had only had cakes as they had stuffed themselves at lunch earlier in the day so had been merrily chomping those whilst we ate our savouries. C and I trotted up and chose fresh tea plates for ourselves and S (who is incapacitated due to an unfortunate incident with a rogue washing machine). We had one of everything comprising: chocolate tart; cupcake with a meringue on top; cupcake without meringue; cheesecake in a pot; scone with jam, butter and cream. Not a huge selection and not as different and exciting as the photographs on the Facebook and web pages seem to suggest. Plenty of strawberries to tart everything up with though.

The chocolate tart looked lovely with plenty of red fruit on top but the middle was a bit Nutella-y and gloopy and the cake was just a plain cupcake with a blob of lemon curd and a really sugary meringue on top (or not in the case of the other cupcake) and was a rather odd combination. They looked like bought in items assembled in an interesting way rather than specially created. I know that this is the deal with large scale events but for the price I did expect a little more pizzazz. So at this point the cheesecake was actually a lovely surprise, crumbly base with creamy cheese topping and lots of fresh fruit. Best of the lot.

Finally the scone. Again a bought in item I guess, very uniform in size and colour. It was ok, a bit dry a bit flavourless but ok to put butter, jam and (whipped) cream on. Not a lot more to say about it really.

There was plenty of time to chat afterwards as the event runs for 3 hours and we had our usual uproarious time, which is surely the main part of going out for tea. The company was definitely the best part of the whole occasion by a long way.

We did think that a little more consideration could have been given to placing tables in the bar room. The customers paid the same price as everyone else for a lesser experience in my view, and it did impact our viewpoint of the whole afternoon. Another irritation, although not the organisers fault, was the group of little girls who invaded the pool table and started throwing pool balls around and crawling under tables. Staff did come to stop them once we alerted them to what was happening but as the parents were in the other room they had no idea what was going on and the girls soon returned to their play. Hoping not to sound too much like a grumpy old woman, why would you allow your child out of sight at an event like this and allow them to spoil other peoples’ experience?

Reading this back I know I sound grumpy and curmudgeonly and I don’t think I usually do. I think it’s my disenchantment at the whole thing, and it probably stems from the table placement. I did not feel particularly like we were part of the whole event, more like a bit of a Cinderella, wanting to go to the ball but not quite getting the same experience *stamps feet in a temper*.

 

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                ***          Extremely attentive (and only serving drinks)

Amount of Food:               ***          Buffet Style so plenty there but the choice was limited

Quality of Food:                **1/2      Nice but nothing to ‘WOW’

Value for money:              **            For the choice and quality of food, the buffet styling and the room we were seated in the price seemed high

Description:                       ‘Enjoyable because of the company’ ‘Honestly we do not want any coffee at this table’

Their website is here http://www.popuplakedistrict.co.uk/

They do not appear to have any entries yet on Trip Advisor. They are on Facebook though.

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pBlzgdMJok this is the singer who entertained at the event. She is really good and needs to be more widely known.

#25 The SIGNIFICANT BIRTHDAY TEA

The Significant Birthday Tea – Monday 15^th February 2016      

Betty’s Tea Rooms, Leeds, £39.95 for the Lady Betty Champagne Afternoon Tea

This has been a much anticipated day. Last year my lovely friend W suggested a Birthday jaunt to York with a celebratory tea thrown in at Betty’s. Her equally lovely other half had come up with the idea and as our birthdays are coincidentally in the same month we agreed with him that it was a magnificent plan and it was all booked quick smart. As it is rude to ask a lady her age, and she would never tell you anyway, I will not enlighten you as to my age. Let’s just say it was a significant anniversary.

For those of you who are unaware of the charms of Betty’s (and to be frank I am a little slack jawed at that, is it not world famous??) this bakery, tea room and café mini empire has been ruling Yorkshire for nearly a century. Delicious handmade fancies and savouries served with quality teas (other beverages are available) or a glass of something fizzy if you are lucky. And I was a VERY lucky girl today.

We were seated in the Art Deco elegance of the Belmont Room where light flooded in highlighting original features (including, sadly, my own), a talented and versatile young pianist and food of the most delicious kind. A lovely atmosphere of unhurried enjoyment about the whole room. Staff sailed grandly around the room, seating customers with charm and an unhurried air.

Our choice of Champagne was very easy. Pink and frothy please! Just right for the jubilatory mood we were in and when it came it was frothy and sparkling like a blushing cascade. The tea choice was somewhat trickier, there was a vast choice and our lovely waitress had tried them all. Both of us decided to try something other than our usual afternoon blend selection. W went for a robust Rwandan Gisovu with milk whilst I went for a more delicate and sweeter Ceylon Blue Sapphire without milk. Both were most excellent.

After ascertaining our dietary requirements (regular readers will know W is vegetarian and I don’t eat meat but occasionally do eat fish) our Starter was swiftly presented. A teeny prawn cocktail on lettuce and avocado puree for me and a tomato salsa on the same for W. Both a mere mouthful that left you wanting more, and just a little bit salty for my taste. It gave us an opportunity to discuss the inherent eroticism of the shape of avocados, which is somewhat marred by their tendency to be textured like soap.

Bobbing in its wake came a side plate of Savouries. Cold mushroom frittata for both, very stongly tasting of mushroom too and not wet as some eggy things can be, then a Smoked Salmon Roulade for me and a Red Pepper one for W. Both were presented on a crunch crouton base and both strongly tasting of their designated flavours. Lovely!

As we finished the last little nibble we eyed our tea stand hungrily. Sandwiches, tiny scones in two flavours and three fancies each. Considerately they had ensured that all cakes were vegetarian friendly so we each got one of each cake offered, rather than sharing the 6 different ones from the usual tea served. Our sandwiches were all veggie friendly too – and best of all extras were available!

First up were cucumber roses laid on a nutty salty sourdough bread and dotted with crème fraiche, the saltiness of the bread accentuated the flavour of the cucumber and even W, who is not a cucumber fan (I think I’ve noted before that she generally thinks it is a waste of good sandwich space), tucked in enthusiastically. Next was a squidgy egg mayo, nice balance of egg and mayonnaise on a lovely chewy crusty bread. Finally a long finger of cream cheese and red onion marmalade. The marmalade was delicious, sweet and savoury at once but my only note is that it over powered the cheese which could have been layered a little more thickly for my taste. Still a nice sandwich though.

All this while the pretty cakes had been flirting with us, demanding our attention and brazenly shouting ‘Eat us, eat us!’ and we were about to oblige when the pianist did a little taradiddle and  broke into Happy Birthday whilst a waitress came and presented us both with a surprise brownie cupcake adorned with a lit golden candle. A lovely thoughtful touch which whilst it made my cheeks a little rosy also made my day.

The cakes could be restrained no longer and a delightful coffee religieux leapt onto my plate and quickly was demolished. A crisp biscuit base balanced a stack of choux buns decorated with coffee icing and cream. Every single element could be tasted and Mary Berry would have been in raptures. A chewy meringue basket was blousy with softly whipped cream and studded with plump fresh fruit and when eaten was squishy, light and fruity and utterly gorgeous. It was topped with a white chocolate lattice that gave it a rakish air. The final of the cake choices was before me. This is always the point where I wonder if I have chosen my cake strategy well, the delicate little Apple Caramel macaroon had all the appearance of amazingness but would it live up to it? Worry no longer dear reader for it was magnificent. Fruity, chewy, lovely butter cream filling and utterly more-ish.

Before the scones it was time to blow out the candle on our brownie birthday cupcakes and tuck in to our little surprise addition. They were also delightful, melt in the mouth and not too heavy either.

And so, with the cake stand emptying we turned to our scones. A lavender and a sultana one each. Two sweet little rounds on which to finish, but which first? As a traditionalist to the end with my choices I went lavender first, light buttery (and buttery enough not to feel the lack of an extra smear of the stuff on top) and ample lavender to pack a punch but not taste like hand cream. The final titbit was another buttery sultana scone, moist with a crisp outer shell on which to heap a fresh strawberry conserve and the holy grail of clotted cream. Perfect ending in my opinion, with a final slurp of champagne.

Desolately we looked in vain for more treats. Not one scrap remained. Probably a good job as we were both full and needed a good walk afterwards to help our digestion. However we were presented with a lovely little tin of loose leaf afternoon tea as a parting gift and in indulging in a short chat with the staff to thank them we realised that, once again, we were last to leave. Laughing. Raucously.

I fear we will never make it in polite society….

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                *****      Knowledgeable, chatty, funny, observant with impeccable manners

Amount of Food:               ****1/2  Not a crumb left over (only being critical as I might have wanted something for a doggy bag to eat later but we had scoffed the lot)

Quality of Food:                ****1/2  Almost every flavour present and popping

Value for money:              ****1/2  Excellent value for the food, service and surroundings

Description:                       ‘Special treat tea’ ‘Do you think they’d mind if I sang along with the piano?’

Their website is here https://www.bettys.co.uk/tea-rooms/locations/york

They are on Trip Advisor here https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g186346-d698157-Reviews-Bettys_Cafe_Tea_Rooms-York_North_Yorkshire_England.html     they are also on Facebook and Twitter

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-ikhnLNiyM

#24 The DEFINITELY FESTIVE TEA

The Definitely Festive Tea – Saturday 19^th December 2015      

Roundthorn Country House, Penrith, £14.95

I had been looking forward to this one all week. My trusty Afternoon Tea finder and wedding photographer extraordinaire Steve Hillman (http://www.shphotographer.co.uk/) had shared this little gem after he photographed a wedding there. Although I am convinced he does it to ensure I stay portly, he very kindly shares some lovely venues for my blog that he has discovered. I was looking for a setting to help me imbibe a little festive spirit as I have been decidedly Grinch like recently and, needing a North Lakes location as I was meeting my long standing partner in crime S, this looked like it would fit the bill nicely.

After a bit of a kerfuffle finding the place (we drove past the driveway) involving a bit of a detour through a puddle and down a lane we arrived at the impressively fronted Georgian building. Inside it was warm and cosy with a crackling fire and a pretty Christmas tree. We were quickly served with drinks, hot chocolate for me and the Bird and coffee for S and her lovely daughter A. Beverages were plentiful throughout the afternoon and we had orange juice, decaf coffee and tea as well so we were well lubricated. Their coffee machine was playing tricks but the staff were prompt and apologetic with replacements so we were in no way inconvenienced.

Having notified them in advance of my lack of meat eating, when the cake stands arrived I was presented with my own plate of fresh sandwiches. This gave us an enormous variety to choose from, S and I tucked in heartily. The girls are a bit fussier and wouldn’t eat things with salad, things that looked a funny colour to them or generally anything resembling proper food. Typical teenagers! What a huge variety to choose from though. Forgive me if I don’t remember them all but we had chunky egg mayo, turkey and cranberry, ham and pickle, cheese savoury, brie and cranberry, salad and smoked salmon. All fresh, on springy bread and all very nice indeed.

As has been noted before S is a bit of a rebel to The Order of The Cake and went with the scone first. She loves her scones though and didn’t want to miss out having stuffed too much cake beforehand. And there was rather a lot of cake, perched on a precarious silver cake stand that wobbled every time we took something off so there was a bit of stealthy jenga strategy employed to ensure things didn’t leap onto the table.

I went with a slice of carrot cake first. It was moist and sweet with a nice cream cheese frosting covered with crunchy nuts. I followed this with some caramel shortbread that had lovely gooey thick caramel and a crumbly base. Next was a meringue with vanilla cream, fruit coulis in the base and fresh fruit on top. It was sweet, chewy and fruity and light as a feather.

So now it was my turn to be a bit of a rebel and go with the scone next. This was partly because I wanted to eat it whilst it was still warm and partly because I wanted to save the really festive part to the end. So rebel I did. It was not too big, with fruity jam and whipped cream, again with a hint of vanilla. I was almost prepared to forgive the lack of clotted as this scent of vanilla was a gorgeous addition to my feast, especially as my fat scone had a strawberry perched on top. But only almost, my love of the clotted remains intact.

As the afternoon wore on and darkened the Christmassy atmosphere intensified with twinkly lights and the small room became busy with a Christmas works party rowdy with alcohol and fattened with cake. I felt sufficiently festive and ventured a thick finger of fruity boozy Christmas Cake which hit the right note, and followed it with a warm, succulent mince pie. The pastry was oven fresh and buttery and finished the tea perfectly.

Our girls had eaten daintily, S and I had feasted mightily. There was quite a spread left over and the friendly staff kindly provided bags for us to squirrel away our best bits so I was able to enjoy a mince pie later that evening. As we weren’t quite ready to leave we adjourned to the bar area to lounge on sofas and embarrass the girls with singing songs from out past Youth Theatre triumphs including selected highlights from ‘The Matchgirls’ complete with dance moves, cackling and innuendo.

All too soon it was time to hit the dreary road back home, aqua-planing along rain drenched motorway squinting into the darkness whilst being buffeted by mighty side-winds over Shap summit. Not your traditional Christmas weather I give you. The long journey, even in that weather, was worth it though. Obviously to see S but also for the Tea itself which was plentiful and certainly a jolly start to the season.

 

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                ****        Friendly, helpful and patient

Amount of Food:               ***1/2    A generous amount, although the girls didn’t eat much

Quality of Food:                ****        Lovely fresh food, some straight from the oven

Value for money:              ****        Brilliant value

Description:                       ‘Very festive’ ‘Loads of cake’

Their website is here http://www.roundthorn.co.uk/

They are on Trip Advisor http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g186328-d209907-Reviews-Roundthorn_Country_House-Penrith_Lake_District_Cumbria_England.html   they are also on Facebook and Twitter

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A8KT365wlA

#23 The EERILY QUIET TEA

The Eerily Quiet Tea – Thursday 10^th December 2015      

Storrs Hall, Windermere, £24.00

A better day weather-wise after the recent biblical torrents in our neck of the woods. There are many ways that you can help those affected by the waters by donating money and goods (http://www.cumbriafoundation.org/ways-to-give-new/cumbria-flood-appeal-2015) and one of the least onerous is by patronising local businesses to allow them to keep functioning. So Princess K and I decided that we would do so by going for an afternoon tea, and given it was December we were hoping for festive spirit too. The roads up towards Windermere have water on them, but are not too treacherous and are definitely accessible. Definitely quiet as well.

On arrival the carpark was deserted as was the magnificent entrance hall apart from a lone receptionist at a tiny desk positioned by the front door. We were promptly ushered through high ceilinged rooms to a tiny laid table for two overlooking the side of the garden. Given we were the only customers I was a bit disappointed that it wasn’t overlooking the famous lake view. Still it was warm, beautifully decorated for Christmas and we were asked for our dietary requirements immediately.

Princess K found it hilarious that when we asked for tea we weren’t directed towards the extensive tea menu but an assumption was made about the type of tea we wanted. It was a lovely loose leaf tea, fruity with a fantastic tannin tang at the end. It went well with the food but Princess K did wonder if we had been sussed out as common and therefore unlikely to have a discerning palate.

A long tea stand was place conveniently on a side table beside us and we tucked in. (The waitress was gone in a flash before we could ask as to flavours so we have made assumptions about some things and apologise if these aren’t correct.) The sandwiches were all on lovely fresh bread that had a bite and spring to it. K said the ham was good, with grain mustard that she usually never eats but for today she was converted. Smoked mackerel pate for me first and it was very nice, not too chunky with a crunch of lettuce. I also enjoyed the egg mayo with onion and had both fingers as it was a step too far for K after her foray into the wildlands of whole grain mustard. We both found the poached salmon bland with limp cucumber and moved quickly on.

We had spotted a little warm savoury tartlet nestled curiously among the cakes and took the opportunity to rescue it. It was delightful. Crisp, buttery pastry with a tasty red pepper creamy filling that was just gorgeous. It gave us confidence to proceed onto the cakes. The Princess knows I have a cake strategy and generously allowed me to dictate what order we were to eat in.

So first up was a seedy cake with a fruity jelly on the top. It was bouncy, soft, walnutty and very nice indeed. We followed this with a fruity little tartlet encased by more of the lovely pastry we had earlier and filled with tangy apple, a moist cake and topped with blobs of pear puree. Very nice indeed, even if the pastry did defy Princess K by crumbling in her hands as it was very delicate. This is where my cake strategy backfired somewhat. We went for a vibrant pink macaroon that I had been looking forward to. I do love a macaroon. It was odd is all I can tell you. Not sure what the flavour was, chocolatey in the middle for sure but very sweet, too chewy and definitely too gooey. Thankfully we were saved by a lovely moussey thing with a slice of crisp green apple flavoured with cinnamon on top, a tart apple cream and a sweet apple mousse underneath. Very nice.

The scone was all that was left. It looked a little pale and precise compared to some more rustic ones we have encountered but I persuaded Princess K to not let that put her off. There was a tart conserve bursting with whole strawberries, clotted cream but no butter (and no staff in sight to ask for some). Not the perfect combo for me. Cutting them, the scones were very soft and falling apart but still able to be piled with the conserve and cream, although the fruit took its cue from the pastry and resisted K’s efforts to balance it properly on top. The scones were buttery although crumbling and soft, but we both felt the conserve was too tart and needed more sugar as it was too discordant a note. I ate both halves as I was not feeling uncomfortably full at this point, and in fact this just left me feeling replete rather than stuffed.

The whole atmosphere was very genteel Agatha Christie crossed with Downton Abbey. It was quiet, obviously due to peoples concerns about the weather. In fact it was so quiet it would have benefitted from a little background music. The quiet was a bit spooky to be honest, and when we both ventured out, separately, to powder our noses we found little groups of staff huddled together as if for protection. It was not very festive either, I was at least hoping for a mince pie or piece of Christmas cake. Alas no, although the decorations were sumptuous.

As we left I was pleased to see that there were more cars in the carpark, hopefully this is replicated across Cumbria so that businesses are not too badly financially hit by the floods. Poetry talk took up our journey home. Princess K has had a thoroughly deserved fabulous review in the TLS this week and was looking forward to running a poetry residential this weekend so there was lots to mull over. And of course we had the fall back topic of carolling with the Junior Brass Band she conducts and I play in.

So finally I would like to tell you we are playing at the Big Tesco in Barrow on Tuesday 15^th and Saturday 19^th December and recommend you come along and throw a little change in our buckets, we are funded entirely by donation and provide all the uniform and instruments free of charge to the children so every little helps (did you see what I did there???).

 

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                ***          Pleasant, professional and helpful, but quite distant

Amount of Food:               ***          We finished it all but weren’t stuffed

Quality of Food:                ***          Some lovely items but a few jarring notes

Value for money:              ***          Quite expensive, you are paying for the surroundings

Description:                       ‘Just about enough’ ‘Genteel’

Their website is here http://www.storrshall.com/

They are on Trip Advisor http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g190820-d269494-Reviews-Storrs_Hall-Bowness_on_Windermere_Lake_District_Cumbria_England.html  they are also on Facebook and Twitter

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9HsGsB-MCM (obvious but appropriate)

#22 The ARE WE GOING TO GET THERE? TEA

The Are We Going To Get There? Tea – Sunday 29^th November 2015      

Briery Wood Country House Hotel , Windermere, £19.90

Well, what a journey W and I had to get there today! It seemed everything was conspiring against us. What with the Dickensian Festival in Ulverston providing kamikaze pedestrians, Storm Clodagh blowing a hoolie and making everywhere seem like we were being transported off to Oz with Dorothy and traffic chaos caused by a serious accident on the A590, we were feeling like we would never get there. Being every resourceful and quite good at jiffling ourselves across country (with a little help from Maud the Sat Nav) we managed to do a Wacky Races route across the hills and re-join the road at Greenodd.

Just the 45 minutes later than we anticipated.

Fortunately we had left plenty of time to get there as we were also going to Hayes for a spot of Christmas shopping and a quick photo opportunity with their Polar Bear. Shopping goals achieved in record time we headed off to Briery Wood. A tight little drive brings you to the Hotel which has a certain country charm to it, even in the torrential rain.

Once inside the charming staff whisked us quickly to a comfy sofa by a window overlooking the gardens and ensured we were comfortable and warm enough. We were then presented with a selection of teas in test tubes to sniff and choose from. Now usually I am a traditionalist and go for good old English Breakfast as I think it goes well with sweet and savoury courses, and W chose just that. Today I was tempted by the Pear Caramel tea and trepidatiously made that my choice. Steaming pots arrived rapidly and I carefully sipped, oh the glories! It was gorgeous, not too sweet, full and rounded and perfect for the spread we noshed.

The tea was rapidly followed by a tall cake stand and, both being hungry by now after our magical mystery tour to get there, we tucked in. The hotel had remembered that we were both would not eat meat and provided four different types of sandwich. Good show! The Tuna and cucumber had a lovely tuna flavour with crisp cucumber, Cheese Savoury was tangy and crunchy, egg mayo was fresh, eggy and had just enough cress to give a peppery tang and finally the cheese and tomato were full of flavour, not wet and soggy as tomatoes can be at this time of year. The bread was fresh and springy and we each had the equivalent of 5 chunky fingers.

By now I was drooling to start on the sweeter items. First up a pretty martini glass full of the most delicious cherry parfait I have ever had. Topped with a whole tangy black cherry and an edible flower it was creamy, enchanting and light with a full cherry flavour. Next was a chewy, sweet macaroon with freeze dried raspberries scattered on top. I’m not sure what the flavour was as I hadn’t remembered what the waitress said and was too embarrassed to ask again. It was fab though. W and I shared an individual fruit cake loaf (the other one came home with me for later) which was gently spiced and had just enough fruit to not be heavy.

Finally we approached a cupcake that I at first took to be chocolate but was in fact sticky toffee pudding. And the proper deal sticky toffee pudding at that! It was not too sweet but had an amazing toffee pudding stickiness and depth of flavour that was delightful. W thought it was possibly one of the best items she’s ever had on our afternoon jaunts.

At this point I was getting a bit nervous about the scone. Everything had gone so well so far. What if it turned out to be a disappointment? Girding my loins I bravely ventured forth. I split one of the large ovals and sniffed. Buttery smell – a good sign. Feeling encouraged I buttered (already provided, no need to ask), jammed (a lovely smooth strawberry conserve) and creamed. The first blip! It was whipped, not clotted. Nicely sweetened but still whipped. I forgave this slip as I bit into the lovely fat scone I had created. It was indeed buttery, with a crisp shell and a tender inside. I forgave the slip so much that I actually had that half a scone and most of another half as well because it was so tasty. I must be mellowing.

Darkness had dropped quickly whilst we had been eating a chatting. The room was empty as we were the only guests so we had been a little loud and jolly, but the attentive staff took this in their stride, making us feel well looked after. The whole ambience was lovely, comfortable and cosy décor and music perfect to the occasion, modern, melodic and relaxing. So perfect I had to ask who it was and have included a track as my suggested track for the tea. The lovely Australian lady who looked after us turned out to be from Brisbane and we had quite a chat about Morton Bay and wild dolphins. (I hope she finds this blog as we were chatting about it and her parents are visiting in the New Year and she was looking for some suggestions as to where to go.)

The flash of lights through the trees from the road below lead us back to the car and off we ventured into the windy night.

 

 

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                ****        Friendly, professional and helpful

Amount of Food:               ****        Just the right amount to be full without leftovers

Quality of Food:                ****1/2  The cakes/desserts were particularly well made

Value for money:              ****        We got a special Sunday deal of 20% off so great value, at the usual price I would say it would be good value

Description:                       ‘No buts about this one ‘Feeling really looked after’

Their website is here http://www.lakedistrictcountryhotels.co.uk/briery-wood-hotel

They are on Trip Advisor http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g186330-d574824-Reviews-Briery_Wood_Hotel-Windermere_Lake_District_Cumbria_England.htmll  they are also on Facebook and Twitter

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK4rhSdUwg8

#21 The GOOD CAUSE TEA

The Good Cause Tea – Thursday 29^th October 2015      

St Mary’s Hospice Orangery Cafe, Ulverston, £9.95

I’d been having one of those days I always seem to have in half term. Taxi service for the kids, treating them to lunch because they’ve both worked hard with the children at the Sports Equity events, visiting Queenie, cleaning, and all by 1.30 when I had to pick up C and S for our usual half termly catch up. To top it all the day had started out drizzly and grey so I was feeling a bit grumbly in general. Thankfully Freyr had been listening to my mutterings, taken pity on my for once, and hopped into Skidbladnir and sailed over to chase away the murkiness so the day turned itself around into beautiful, soft, buttery autumn sunshine to frame the grounds at St Mary’s perfectly.

Our reserved table was in a light corner of the Orangery where we could take advantage of the views and be close enough to the counter to trot back and forth to choose our sandwiches (two types from prawn, tuna, egg mayo, ham and cheese and pickle), a drink (again a decent choice although in accordance with ‘The Way of The Tea’ we all had tea) ask for more water and generally make our presence felt. The staff are predominantly volunteers here and are some of the most friendly, approachable and helpful I have experienced in any café. Well done to them for such professional service!

Given that we ordered our sandwiches as we arrived, it was only a matter of minutes before a tea pot and a huge plate of them was brought to us complete with a colourful dressed salad and cheeky little pot of crisps. No thrown together platter this either, five plump half sandwiches each on lovely fresh bread, no rubbery supermarket sliced here but a selection of brown and white that had proper bread flavour. The tuna was pronounced scrummy with not too much mayo, likewise the egg mayo which was creamy too, the prawns were fat and tasty in a sweet Marie Rose sauce and the cheese and pickle were not too dry.

    

I generously allowed C and S to finish my sandwiches if they wished. Not for any altruistic reasons or because I think they need fattening up to match my rotundity, but because I wanted to be able to eat as much as possible of the delicious cakes and scones served next. Alas not on a cake stand, but in this case it did not detract particularly from the overall experience.

First was a finger of Millionaires Shortcake with a twist. Dark chocolate on top and a chocolate biscuit base which was rich and more-ish. Second was a lovely light, proper gingerbread. It was moist and treacly so a good dark brown in colour, and the ginger was a warm tickle on the taste buds rather than an overpowering punch in the mouth.

 

So to the scones. In a twist a large fruit scone had been chopped into chunky bits on which to pile jam, cream and strawberries. They were fruity and crumbly but a little dry, probably because they had been cut up for us. There were plenty of accompaniments to make fat scone pieces but no butter and the cream was not clotted and I would have liked a bit more scone to decorate. But on the positive side the strawberries were sweet and juicy and there were little physallis too with which to adorn our creations.

Too busy chatting about approaching big birthdays, respective children and elderly relatives, we did not notice the light beginning to droop, the cafe emptying or the staff clearing up around us. It was only when S did a casual check of her watch that we discovered to our horror we had outstayed our welcome. Not that the staff would have said a word, bless them! No hurry to make us leave, just left in peace to enjoy our tea. Excellent.

We paid quickly, apologised profusely, donated to the cause heartily and sped off rapidly. (Oh I do like a good adverb, don’t you?)

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                ****        Swift, helpful and cheery – and run by volunteers!

Amount of Food:               ***1/2    A decent size portion especially the sandwiches

Quality of Food:                ***1/2    Lovely home baked cakes and tasty sandwiches too

Value for money:              ****        A great deal

Description:                       ‘Fantastic service’ ‘Look at all those sandwiches’

Their website is here http://www.stmaryshospice.org.uk/support/cafe (please visit the rest of the site to see the amazing work they do)

They are on Trip Advisor http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g499564-d2284571-Reviews-The_Orangery-Ulverston_Cumbria_England.html  they are also on Facebook and Twitter

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=110Jl_JK9VE

#17 The GOODBYE TO THE HOLIDAYS TEA

The Goodbye to the Holidays Tea  – Wednesday 2^nd September 2015      

Stollers Cafe, Barrow-in-Furness, £9.95

Last day of the holidays and the chance to spend some time with some of my oldest friends from school and sixth form. All of us work in education in some way or another and so this was our last chance of a Hurrah! before returning to our more work-a-day existences. Usually we go out for a drink or two but as I am gradually converting all of my acquaintances to the joys of an afternoon tea I was fairly insistent on this.

Another unusual venue. This café is squirrelled away at the back of a furniture store and has a devoted regular following of well-to-do retirees who are still fairly active but are not into the whole corporate appeal of Costa. My feeling is they must come for the food as the location is not enticing, the views of a new housing estate or carefully constructed room sets has never been a big draw in the world of café culture, and the store itself sat on a retail park next to Asda is not one you would just drop into in passing. You have to go there for a reason, if you see what I mean. Perhaps it is so many of them still have fond memories of their own childhoods when they would go to the shop in its original location and get a little paper packet of dolly mixtures to entertain them whilst their parents perused the stock?

From the outset S was very clear that there should be no coffee cake, she told the staff this very emphatically before we were even seated just to make sure. She is not a fan you see. We were shown through the jumble of noise to our reserved table in the crowded room. The is no table service here so, ever organised, C went to the counter to order for us all and give our choice of sandwich flavour from cheese, egg mayo or turkey ham on white or brown.

The pots of tea arrived very quickly in a modern wave pattern service that reminded me of a shark, with a big fin of a pot lid. The tea pots whilst stylish were not capacious and later requests for more tea were met with an aghast ‘You mean water!’, obviously not a request they are used to? Two cake stands were also rapidly provided and we surveyed our spread.

Noticeable was the half a scone each that was pre-assembled,  the sandwiches whilst well stuffed were very plain, no salad and just a shy twist of cucumber garnish, and one piece of each of the individual bakes between us whilst individually big seemed a little parsimonious compared to other local venues. Still there were other goodies to have one each of.

Knowing my predilection for the correct order my friends indulged my whim (or submitted to my will, whichever) and we began with the sandwiches. They were fresh, well filled, but a bit plain without salad or chutney or something. I quickly led everyone onto the cakes. I must point out at this juncture that my other friend L has to be a bit careful with the amount of cakeage she eats for various health reasons so I will apologise to her publicly here because I have forced her more than once to watch me munch my way through afternoon tea like a Hungry Caterpillar of the 21^st century. Once again she had to watch as C, S and I yomped through our cake adventure with abandon whilst she took tiny nibbles of selected items. Sorry. Again. I am a bad lady.

 

So to a quick whizz through the cakes presented. A vanilla cupcake each was moist but bland with a huge mound of buttercream that was sweet to the point of losing flavour and the bitsesize Danish were fruity but soggy. The Bakewell slice was moist, tasted of almond and had a good dry pastry, but another piece was softer with an almond paste texture in the middle. Perhaps they were two different cakes? We weren’t sure. The currant square had good, short pastry and the currants were flavoured with something like cinnamon, and the flapjack was chewy and buttery but not too sweet, and you could taste the oats. The latter two were definitely the favourite amongst our group, although bizarrely whilst each slice was quite a hefty chunk there was only one of each and so in the absence of a more dainty, individual approach we hacked away with knives and tried to divide up like the afternoon tea version of Solomon.

 

The scone was a disappointment. There’s no two ways about it. A dry half each, no butter, a whirl of whipped cream some strawberry halves and a spoonful of jam plonked on top of the cream. How is that right? L led the way, deconstructing hers and reassembling with the jam underneath followed by cream and strawberries, and C and I swiftly followed. S tried to be kind by trying to eat it as presented but soon learned the evils of a mouthful of jam and quickly joined our rebellion. It was not the highlight it should have been.

The gentleman who asked as he was leaving ‘Is this the healthy eating club’ certainly made us all giggle immoderately, but the tea itself was not one I would return to in a hurry. Not enough sparkle and pizzazz to make it special enough to be called a proper Afternoon Tea I feel. That is what I am looking for I guess each time, something that makes it feel a treat rather than just an assemblage of food. Today the tea did just not hit the mark. Oh dear.

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                *1/2        Not very friendly, but the service was rapid

Amount of Food:               **            Not as much as I would expect

Quality of Food:                **1/2      Nothing very ‘stand-out’

Value for money:              **1/2      OK compared to others in the same price range

Description:                        ‘Nice but could have been a lot more dainty’

Their website is here http://www.stollers.co.uk/info.php?page=restaurant

They are on Trip Advisor http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g190821-d7677845-Reviews-Stollers-Barrow_in_Furness_Lake_District_Cumbria_England.html   they are also on Facebook and Twitter (but for the furniture mostly I think)

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naPCDQFP2qc

#14 The MENACING DECORATIONS TEA

The Menacing Decorations Tea  – Friday 7^th August 2015      

The Old Farmhouse, Ulverston, £9.95 for Afternoon Tea (fizzy option available)

Fantastic! Two teas in one week. What a lucky (pudgy) girl am I! This time it was my lovely friends W, J and the fragrant Mrs HW. And a gorgeous day it was too. A big, hot ball of buttery sun in the sky, a pretty (if slow) drive down the Coast Road to Ulverston with just enough breeze to stop it being breathless.

The Old Farmhouse is a pub with a good local reputation for its food and atmosphere, and always seems smartly turned out as you drive past. Inside is bright, contemporary and split into two areas, a large pub bar area and a dining area accessed through a doorway opening out to indoor and outdoor seating. It has recently made a foray into the afternoon tea realm and we were keen to sample its offerings.

Our prettily laid out table was by the open door to the outdoor seating area giving us the advantage of a cool breeze and no hot direct sunlight to curl the corners of the sandwiches and attract greedy flies. It also gave us chance to admire the contemporary décor and listen to the music selection which included the dulcet tones of a current favourite of mine, George Ezra, and an all-time fave, Otis Redding.

I have to make special mention of the MENACING DECORATIONS. As a non-meat eater you may have already assumed I would not be a fan of blood sport or things of that ilk. I am not. I am also not a fan of displays of the spoils of such activity. So I was somewhat perturbed by the heads with antlers on the walls which seemed to leer at us and evil-eye our food. Picture frames containing only a sad little pair of antlers just gave me the heebie-jeebies. Absolutely not my personal taste.

The rapid appearance of pots of hot water distracted me and before I knew it all the food had arrived. The tea bags were individually placed with the tea cups, which was a bit odd but I would say not too outlandish, and they were those posh ones made from mesh rather than the standard variety so I was satisfied that a little flair had been added to show that this was in fact a treat not just a bit of cake and tea. Whilst we did have to ask for extra top ups from the curiously removed staff, this was provided promptly and without fuss.

Propriety was met for W with the presentation on cake stands bursting with food and colour. Although I do fear I have had a bad effect on her and she is becoming more intractable than I, as I was heavily questioned with regard to my musings on the plain scone in the last blog and she is very resolute about having tea in the cup first before milk.

 

The sandwiches were definitely the star of this tea. Five different types were on offer, fatly stuffed with fillings and garnished with fresh, vibrant salad and a lovely little bowl of sun blush tomatoes. The regulation cheese and tomato and ham and tomato nestled alongside chicken, whilst thick chunks of smoked salmon were complimented by rocket and watercress. My favourite were the brie and cucumber which were pleasantly oozing with just the right amount of crunch.

The fragrant Mrs HW had already sampled the shortbread from the presented cup and saucer before anything had arrived and said it was delicious. (Whilst deviating from The Rules of The Tea she is allowed this dispensation. Firstly because she was starving having not eaten since breakfast and secondly because she is so lovely and slim that  even my insistence she eats lots of fattening afternoon teas she manages to maintain her figure, whilst I expand ever outwards to become, what you might call, horizontally gifted. On the bright side it has the advantages of providing a squashy bosom for smothering needy friends in and providing a shelf for tired kittens.) It was enjoyable, a little buttery cube that melted in your mouth.

In quick succession we attacked the rest of the cakes. A meringue with cream and strawberries was nice, but the extra sweetening of the cream didn’t feel necessary. The pastry on the chocolate tart was crisp and its bitter chocolate filling was ameliorated by the perky raspberries on top. Both were nice combinations.

 

And finally the scone. A big fruity rectangle already buttered, jammed and creamed. They looked very inviting, however surely one of the great pleasure and treat of an afternoon tea is to do this yourself? Self-assembly as it were? Pre-made means you don’t get the perfect individualised treat. Some people (who are WRONG obviously) don’t want butter, J noted that there was too much jam. And indeed there was, it dribbled as you bit into it, even though we all split the scone in half and tried to share out the filling between the two halves. The whipped (not clotted!) cream was, again, sweetened. To be fair it was a very nice scone but not what I would have expected.

There was certainly enough to fill even the rumbliest of tums, and enough left over for probably another person. The quality for the price was very good, and I would certainly recommend it for an afternoon tea with a bit more finesse than one in a standard tea shop, and the surroundings were unquestionably relaxed. Great for spending time on a summers afternoon.

Of course the lure of the kitten soon had me heading homewards, I mean, what better way to end a sunny afternoon than a snuggle with a bundle of fluff?

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                             **1/2      Prompt but not particularly attentive

Amount of Food:               ****        There was more than enough for even us greedy ones

Quality of Food:                ***          Good sandwiches, some cakes too sweet though

Value for money:              ***1/2    Pretty good, competitively priced

Description:                        ‘I prefer self-assembly scones’ ‘Good variety of sandwiches’

Their website is here http://www.old-farmhouse.com/

They are on Trip Advisor here http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g499564-d1929980-Reviews-The_Old_Farmhouse-Ulverston_Cumbria_England.html    they are also on Facebook and twitter

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCjYB3rAJ6w