#31 The SCONE SABOTAGE TEA

The Scone Sabotage Tea – Saturday 21^st May 2016      

Mad Hatters Tea Rooms, Ulverston £16 for two

In need of a de-stressing afternoon W and I decided this week we would escape for an hour or two on Saturday to go for a cuppa and cake and if it became an afternoon tea, then all the better. I had been eyeing up this little tea room for a while and it seemed the perfect occasion to give it a whirl. W and I are big fans of quaint and we weren’t disappointed, lovely retro pieces for display, for sale and for use by patrons. The menus are hung on the back of solid wooden chairs and each table has a magnifying glass to fit the theme but also to help those of us who need a little magnification in our lives.

We were a little late in arriving but they were still accommodating enough to make us a full afternoon tea. Jolly decent of them, especially given how long we stayed after closing time…

Both having chosen tea we were quickly supplied with a huge pot of the stuff and charmingly mis-matched crockery to go along with it. We settled down to natter, admire the things on display and (in my case) sing along loudly to the Patsy Cline music being played. I am a big fan of hers, all heart-break and man-done-me-wrong fiftiesness, great for a hearty impromptu karaoke.

So to business. Along came the cake stand accompanied by a plate with dishes of jam and cream. We were very taken with these little dishes and the little jam/cream spoons with that shell like fluted pattern that reminds me of my nana. Don’t tell W, but I am thinking of purchasing a set for her for Christmas.

We were so engrossed in our conversation that whilst we did tuck in, it was not with our usual unseemly haste and we actually managed to savour each one for a change. There was a variety of brown and white bread that was fresh and well buttered and the fillings were good and fresh too. A chunky egg mayo was not too smothered in mayo and you could really taste the egg. The cucumber nice but just needed a little salt, and the squashy layer of the cream cheese sandwich was just right to give that tang you expect.

Today’s cake strategy was difficult with the choices on offer. All looked lovely and probably it wouldn’t have mattered what order we ate them in as they were all really good and delicious. A choice had to be made so I went chocolate tart first, so it would have cleared my palate before the scone at the end. It was rich and smooth with a cake case rather than the expected pastry, and was none the worse for it. Next I went for the fruit meringue which just melted away and the fruit on top was an unusual combination of strawberry, pineapple and orange that worked surprisingly well. Finally a moist tart lemon cake that had that texture and taste that tells you it is homemade and reminds you of Sundays at your nana’s.

And just like that we arrived at the scone. Fruity, with mixed peel too, crumbly outside soft in the middle and a good size of knobbliness. Plenty of butter was provided and jam and cream. Whipped it is true but then this was not an afternoon for quibbling and for the price to be expected. With the strawberry that had been perched on top I soon made a lovely pair of fat scones, buttery, jammy, creamy and begging to be eaten. What happened next I can only describe as jealousy on W’s part. Sabotage dear reader. Sabotage! Well attempted sabotage. She callously threw the jam dish at my plate with the true aim of disturbing my perfect pleasure. Foiled! I managed to heroically to save my little scone halves and ate them up double-quick to prevent further harm. Now she claims it was an accident, but I will let you make up your own minds.

By this time it was past closing time and we had been enjoying ourselves so much we hadn’t noticed. Sheepishly we paid the bill, but then were so distracted by the bits and bobs on display we stayed another ten minutes, although W did buy a pretty tea-for-one cup and plate set and a honey jar so I don’t think they were too annoyed with us. What a truly raucous life we lead, last to leave a tea shop! I remember when we were thrown out of pubs.

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                ***          Friendly and patient

Amount of Food:               ***1/2    Just the right amount for a Saturday afternoon treat

Quality of Food:                ***1/2    Lovely fresh cakes each with a twist and well filled sandwiches

Value for money:              ****        A good value treat

Description:                       ‘Quaint tea rooms with some exciting little knick-knacks’ ‘Home made cake just like my nana made’

There is no website that I can find.

They are on Trip Advisor https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g499564-d5279802-Reviews-Mad_Hatters_Tea_Rooms-Ulverston_Cumbria_England.html they are also on Facebook.

 

And my suggested tracks for today’s tea are https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kM9BgXP6cW4

 

#30 The WE NEARLY DIDN’T MAKE IT TEA

The We Nearly Didn’t Make It Tea – Monday 2^nd May 2016      

Armathwaite Country House and Spa, Bassenthwaite Nr Keswick, £21 per person

My long standing partner-in-crime, S, recently had a birthday of the significant kind and as a gift I had bought her a voucher for an afternoon tea for two at Armathwaite. I must admit I was secretly hoping she would take me, but managed to not beg too much. Those who know us will be acquainted with the fact that we are prone to getting into scrapes and adventures through absolutely no fault of our own. We most decidedly DO NOT screech and laugh and talk non-stop and get so over excited so that we forget important things like where we are going and what we are doing. We CERTAINLY don’t embarrass our respective children by singing, dancing and quoting from plays we have been in together, or seen together, or know. And we have NEVER had to get rid of unwanted male attention by speaking in German or sign language.

So today it was a COMPLETE SURPRISE that the voucher to pay for the tea was missing and we had to drive 20 minutes back to S’s house to find it.

By dismantling her fireplace and taking it off the wall.

Ahem.

Still the drive through the North Lakes was glorious as the sun had decided to make a rare Bank Holiday appearance and the roads were quiet and easy to barrel along. Even with our rather long detour we arrived in plenty of time at the Hotel and were promptly seated in a bright conservatory overlooking the gardens and Bassenthwaite itself. As we were led through to our table I was feeling a bit disappointed that we weren’t in one of the sumptuous lounges but this quickly dissipated as I took in the panorama before us.

Choice of tea and coffee quickly made (Darjeeling for me, cappuccino for S) there remained the choice of Scone, plain, fruit, cheese or apple and cinnamon. S went for her all-time favourite, cheese, and I threw caution to the wind with the apple and cinnamon. I did wonder if it would go with cream and jam but I am willing to be a bit flexible (sometimes).

Attentive staff bustled about and soon we had our drinks, swiftly followed by a full cake stand and extra plates of vegetarian sandwiches and a savoury. Throughout the afternoon whilst unobtrusive the staff made sure we were well supplied with food and drink and our waiter was sweet and accommodating telling us at one point we were ‘very welcome my ladies’. As the ladies that we are we giggled delicately at that (no guffawing I assure you) and blushed prettily (there was definitely no spluttering and tea spitting).

Now I must warn you that some details may be a bit sketchy. Firstly as I am writing from the perspective of this happening nearly a week ago. Secondly because of the aforementioned over excitedness of our catching up my notes became a bit, shall we say, limited. And finally because one of the treats was a lovely shot of dessert wine that made things a bit screechy and hilarious for a while.

The sandwiches were on a variety of fresh breads, the star performer being a tomato one, and were all pretty amazing. For me there were Wensleydale and mayo, egg mayo with cress and a proper cucumber sandwich where the skin had been peeled and thin slices soused in vinegar before putting on buttered bread. S had chicken and tarragon, ham and apple chutney and a cucumber one too. Each of us had a smoked salmon pinwheel on wholemeal too. We ate them all with barely a pause before moving on to a warm quiche, cheese and ham for S and cheese and broccoli for me. The fillings were deliciously cheesy and not too eggy and the pastry was buttery. The bottom of them was a bit soggy, but I am actually quite fond of a soggy bottom on my quiche so it did not matter one bit.

Then onto the amazing variety of cakes. One of the best assortments I’ve seem so far and whilst each seemed a sizeable portion there was actually only one of each so we halved each one and were not over-faced or too full for a whole fat scone at the end.

A buttery soft biscuit with a blob of jam was first and was swiftly followed by the shot of dessert wine. A great combination and leaving plenty of time for the alcohol to wear off before driving later. A sweet, creamy meringue was next that was very crisp and topped with lovely sharp fruit. Following close behind came a light fruit cake, which was not too heavy and plump with raisins and quick work was made of buttery crisp shortbread. Next was a cupcake with cream, which was actually the least flavoursome of the lot, it was black foresty but in a non-descript kind of way. A chocolate traybake restored our confidence as the sponge was light and the ganache creamy and smooth. Finally a shot glass of cheesecake each was lemony and refreshing and a bit of a palette refresher before the scones.

Each scone was obviously home-made as the irregular shapes attested, there was plenty of butter and the cream was most definitely clotted. The jam was in one of those little pots you get at breakfast which are cute but not really what I expect from an afternoon tea. I like a bowl of the stuff so I am not limited to a scraping if my scone is particularly fulsome or dry. I also think it looks more decadent and I cannot actually see that it costs any more as those little jars seem an expensive way to dish up a teaspoonful of jam. The scones themselves were lovely and fresh. The cheese one was very cheesy and had a crunchy top and S said she felt that more than one type of cheese had been used. The apple and cinnamon was a revelation. I had been unsure if the flavours would go well with jam and cream. They did and it was crumbly with just the right amount of cinnamon for me.

So we were done, and after a quick trip to freshen up we were off to pick up my car and plan our next shenanigans. It may involve afternoon tea. It may involve alcohol. It will definitely involve adventures and rather a lot of laughing. Anyone else coming?

 

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                ***1/2    Prompt, pleasant and good natured

Amount of Food:               ***1/2    It was all gone but not in an over-filled way

Quality of Food:                ****        Lots of variety and a good veggie selection

Value for money:              ****        Great range available and lovely surroundings

Description:                       ‘What a great birthday present!’ ‘Loving this dessert wine’

Their website is here http://www.armathwaite-hall.com/

They are on Trip Advisor https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g1006863-d193564-Reviews-Armathwaite_Hall_Hotel_Spa-Bassenthwaite_Lake_District_Cumbria_England.html they are also on Facebook and Twitter

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmOD7ayA1y8 it is a very long mix so you don’t have to listen to it all!