#53 The SECOND FESTIVE TEA 2017

The Second Festive Tea 2017 – Sunday 17^th December 2017

The Villa Levens, Brettagh Holt, Cumbria £19.95 for Festive Afternoon Tea

Another festive Tea – hurrah! And hot on the heels of the last, again a place I’ve visited previously but was keen to try out their Christmassy fare.

This time is a bit of a departure from recent attendees as I was with family, and generally I’ve not often done one of those. This time I was with my sister K and my nephews wife, P, who in typical family fashion loves to refer to us as her aged aunts. She is older than me. As is my sister.

Also in a break from tradition someone else drove. I usually do, not sure if that is because I am a bit (lot) of a control freak in regards to my Afternoon Teas. Not only do I insist on the correct order to eat things (sorry P I know it’s a foible) but I often insist on driving too. Mind you with K in the driving seat I am never sure we will end up where we are supposed to be going, direction isn’t one of her strong points. And the horrible fog and rain made it more difficult than usual to navigate around. That and the frankly inadequate aircon system in her car – we all had to stop breathing for a while to ensure we could see through the windscreen.

But having left in plenty of time ensured that we were there with time to spare, giving us time to admire the festive decorations, sweeping staircase and Afternoon Tea menu. The staff were warm, helpful and solicitous, my favourite kind, and helped us choose the most Christmassy of teas complete with mulled wine for me and P and an elderflower spritz for K. Pots of tea were ordered too and arrived promptly followed rapidly by our other drinks, and not long after by our food. An impressive start.

Two stands were put on our table, one for the meat eaters and one for me without meat. I felt quite special. Four finger sandwiches occupied the bottom layer and I dived straight in. The cheese and pickle had a nice balance of flavours, not too vinegary, and the egg mayo had plenty of butter and was not too eggy. I went next for what I thought was smoked salmon but turned out to be a flavourful tomato and cream cheese, and so I arrived at the actual smoked salmon sandwich which had a lovely subtle flavour and was layered with cucumber.

After defending and insisting upon my theory of cake strategy (ie scone last you heathens) I started on the beautiful, if hobbit sized, cranberry and apple battenburg. It was sweet with a powerful apple punch and a lovely moist cake centre. I couldn’t resist the macaron next, the texture was spot on and the Christmas pudding flavour shone through. It was half dipped in chocolate which added an extra festive touch. Next up was a mince pie that had the right balance of crumbly pastry and a deep sweet filling.

Before I could tackle the pretty looking chocolate and passion fruit bauble there was a kerfuffle. Peering through the dining window were two deer, one with a good set of antlers on display. They were foraging on the lawn and almost close enough to touch. Much scraping of chairs and snapping of photos through the windows to capture the moment ensued. Reluctantly I turned back to the table and set about the bauble, which was rich and chocolatey but was missing the passion fruit flavour.

So the scone was left. A crisp outside covered a soft, still warm, inside and plentiful jam and clotted cream made for fat scones all round. It wasn’t overly buttery and there was no butter on the side but it was still a nice scone.

By this time it was starting to turn suspiciously dark and the weather had not improved much, so we decided to head off, not before we had pressed the staff into service to take a festive group shot in front of the impressive Christmas tree though. I don’t think they found us too loud and demanding. Not for all of the time we were there anyway.

 

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                ***1/2    Helpful and friendly

Amount of Food:                ***1/2 Enough for no left overs, battenburg a bit small though

Quality of Food:                ***1/2    A good all round tea

Value for money:              ***1/2    Another festive treat

Comments:                         ‘well made macaron’ ‘ wish there was more battenburg’

The website is here https://www.thevillalevens.co.uk/  they are on Trip Advisor here https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g2516248-d8680380-Reviews-The_Villa_Levens-Levens_Lake_District_Cumbria_England.html

They are also on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VfYKmJkxl0

#52 The FIRST FESTIVE TEA 2017

The First Festive Tea 2017 – Saturday 9^th December 2017

The Daffodil Hotel and Spa, Grasmere, Cumbria £22.50 for Festive Afternoon Tea

Christmas is fast upon us and my Facebook feed is laden with images of festive Afternoon Teas. What better excuse do I need to pile into the care with W and A and head up to The Daffodil at Grasmere to sample their gloriously pretty offering? Plus, and I must say this was not obsessing me for two weeks AT ALL, there was a special festive cocktail menu and the Mince Pie Martini looked right up my street.

It was a cold drive up, lots of threats of snow and sleet, and being the careful driver I am I didn’t go too fast as I was keen to get there rather than have an accident! Due to my impeccable skills I got us there in plenty of time and we had a spare few minutes to admire the surrounding hills wrapped in their frosty shawls.

This is the second time I’ve had a Tea here and this time we were in a small ante-room rather than the main dining area, but it was still decorated in keeping with the theme (lots of photos of British stars from the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s) and the table was set with the jaunty addition of Christmas crackers which were soon cracked to get us in the spirit of the season.

We all ordered a Christmassy drink as well as our tea, and whilst the pots of tea arrived rapidly the drinks took a little longer. I personally didn’t mind the wait as my much anticipated Martini did not disappoint. Fruity, spicy and warming, and a great addition to my food. Pots of tea and refills were plentiful and brought in rapid succession throughout the meal by helpful, jolly and interested staff who tried hard to meet every request.

All of us requested a non-meat Tea, but A and I are both partial to a bit of smoked salmon so we asked for two with the fish part left in and W asked for a completely fish free serving. After recent disappointments with the standard of veggie savouries I was hoping for a better selection here, and the arrival of the food was hotly anticipated.

As the food was set down we were given brief tour of what to expect and we were left to dive in. Given the variety on offer I adopted a savouries strategy to help me pick a way through, so I started with a smoky salmon and cream cheese roll which was a perfectly balanced combination of the two. W’s roll was goats cheese and pesto which she enjoyed but said could possibly do with a tad more seasoning. Two sandwich fingers were next, both on fresh bread and generously filled with egg mayo, which could have done with a sprinkle of salt and pepper, and a lovely balanced cheese savoury that was rich with red onion flavour. I moved on to the warm cheese scone, which had a good cheesy flavour but definitely needed butter, which we had to request. Finally, the star of the savouries, was a warm cheese and caramelised onion tart. Crisp pastry with a filling that was not too overpowering. A great culmination to the savoury section.

Our greedy eyes turned towards the cakes now, and what a beautiful display it was. Plenty to choose from so the cake strategy came into play. I began with a mouthful sized mince pie, crisp short buttery pastry, warm fruity filling and an absolutely lovely start. Next was a firm set pannacotta in a shot glass topped with a fruity tart jelly and redcurrants. I found it a bit thick for my taste but A thought it was just right. We all went for the cake pops afterwards, there was a light fruit cake, that was a bit dry and a coconut and white chocolate sphere with an oozing white chocolate centre. Neither I would have said was a cake pop but both perfectly nice. Moving on I went for a mincemeat macaron, and again I would not say it was what I expected from a macaron. The filling was the right buttercream type of consistency but the shells were too crisp and meringue-y, not chewy on the middle and far too sweet.

Still, we were only half way through and whilst we weren’t slowing down we were certainly feeling we had had a good variety of sweet things so far. The next thing that took my eye was a frangipan tart, the lovely pastry from before filled with a warm, soft, flavourful frangipan. The fruit layer underneath not too overwhelming but tart enough to cut through the sweetness. This was swiftly followed by a slice of chocolate log that was wrapped in layers of rich chocolate buttercream, the cake itself was dry but I thoroughly enjoyed the cream. The two delicacies I had been saving until last were the meringue snowman and the chocolate mousse Christmas tree. Both beautifully decorated and very Christmassy. The snowman was a powdery meringue with an overriding taste of the strawberry lace scarf he was wearing and not as good as I had expected, but the Christmas tree was delicious and a good choice to finish with. It was beautifully made and tasted of a strong bitter chocolate, W was not so keen on it but I found it just right.

And so we arrived at the scones, a plain and a cranberry one each. The little pots of jam and cream were barely enough for the three of us, and as we had asked for butter earlier we still had some left, otherwise we would have had to ask for it. Given the amount of accoutrements, fat scones were not in order, and the scones themselves were not overly sweet and a bit chewy. It was a bit of a lacklustre end to the tea really.

Now I’m not sure if we are just very greedy, or other people are politer than us, or after all this time we have a pre-tea strategy of starvation, but there was not much left at our table, whilst the next table had boxes of stuff to take home. We were full, but not unpleasantly so, and comfortable enough to not feel queasy on the drive home.

Equally I don’t know if we are seen as demanding guests or if venues are trepidatious when someone tells them I write a blog (looking at you A, the poor waiter turned a bit pale and went off to have a look mid way through the afternoon) but when we had finished they were keen to tell us that snow and freezing fog was forecast and the journey home might be tricky. Perhaps I am over thinking good service, perhaps I am paranoid.

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                ***1/2    Attentive but slow at times

Amount of Food:                ***1/2 We weren’t over full, just pleasantly so

Quality of Food:                ***          A savoury triumph with a less strong sweet range

Value for money:              ***1/2    A definite festive treat

Comments:                         ‘lovely artistic spread’ ‘ so pretty’

The website is here   https://www.daffodilhotel.co.uk/  they are on Trip Advisor here https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g186324-d3331515-Reviews-The_Daffodil_Hotel_Spa-Grasmere_Lake_District_Cumbria_England.html

 

They are also on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VfYKmJkxl0

#49 The GRUMPY SUPERMARKET CAFE TEA

The Grumpy Supermarket Cafe Tea- Tuesday 8^th August 2017

Booths Supermarket, Ulverston, Cumbria £15 for two for Afternoon Tea

As it is the summer holidays it is obviously time to fit in another tea or two. Although this summer it has been difficult for me even to write up the teas I have had as I’ve been really busy with operating a taxi service for the kids to and from work and social engagements, trying to sort out Queenie’s ever increasing vagueries, exam results and college applications and even fitting in a holiday and a music festival. So I was happy when W suggested we did a quick nip to Booths in Ulverston to sample their Afternoon Tea. You don’t have to book and can just rock up when you have time.

At least in theory, as we discovered when we went in at about quarter to three and had two ladies rolling their eyes and sucking their teeth at us. Having finally agreed we could have an Afternoon Tea we were asked for our choice of drink, we chose tea.  As we both don’t eat meat we asked if we could swap our ham sandwich for something else but this was peremptorily refused as ‘we aren’t allowed to make substitutions’, a strange comment as the sandwiches were being made fresh and surely shoving a bit of cheese in some bread isn’t hard?? Anyway we weren’t allowed to, even though we explained about our lack of meat eating.

A small tea pot of loose leaf tea was quickly brought to our table and looked promising. However given that at least half of the pot was full of tea leaves it was undrinkable even with extra hot water, sugar and milk. A very inauspicious start.

We rallied when our cake stand was brought (even though the ham sandwiches were still on it despite our being very clear that we didn’t eat meat), and the sandwiches themselves were very nice. Tuna mayo on white was moist and nicely filled and the egg mayo on granary was chunky and tasty. Things were looking up.

Moving on to the cakes we were a bit disappointed with the size as they were very small pieces, obviously larger slices chopped up for the afternoon tea market. The chocolate cake was first, dry and synthetic tasting and not chocolatey at all. Next up the lemon drizzle was a lovely surprise, moist and with a ginger kick that was unexpected. Caramel shortcake had a lovely thick caramel layer and a buttery shortbread base and the final morsel of raspberry flapjack was full of syrup and oats and very nice indeed.

And so to the scone. It was a fruit one with individual pots of jam and clotted cream and tiny wrapped pats of butter, enough to make the required fat scone but its shape was a bit fall-y over and difficult to assemble. On tucking in the taste wasn’t as expected either, solid and then doughy with a strong bicarbonate kick. Neither of us ate it all.

We left feeling very disappointed. The price is low but that seems to be reflected in the approach and the amount of food. A shame really as I love the supermarket itself for a posh treat shop.

 

(I hope you have noticed that I am fast approaching a special number of Teas??)

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                *1/2        Really poor, rude, aggressive and unhelpful

Amount of Food:                **           Nowhere near enough, tiny cakes

Quality of Food:                ***          Good sandwiches and some nice cake

Value for money:              **1/2      Even though it is inexpensive it was not great value

Comments:                         ‘Teas verging on the undrinkable’ ‘ lovely proper flapjack’

The website is here http://www.booths.co.uk/store/ulverston/  they are on Trip Advisor here https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g499564-d4458205-Reviews-Booths_Ulverston-Ulverston_Lake_District_Cumbria_England.html

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is …. Well nothing….it was so lacklustre and dull.

 

 

 

#48 The WRONG SCONES TEA

The Wrong Scones Tea- Tuesday 25^th July 2017

Slaley Hall, Nr Hexham, Northumberland £20 each for Afternoon Tea

On holiday with Mr W, on our own if you’ll believe it. Managed to fit in a week away without any children, mothers or animals (apart from Barker Dog who is no bother at all). In the spirit of a relaxing week and allowing himself a second chance at doing an Afternoon Tea properly (may I refer you to the Mothers Day Tea where he, and the Big Lad, demolished the food in record time) I booked this Tea after a brief Google search. In the absence of personal recommendations I used Trip Advisor as my guide. Next time I think I’ll try a bit harder.

We had a bit of an eventful drive as the roads the sat nav wanted us to use were closed so we had to do a bit of a cross country jiffle to get there, but we made it just in time. Having looked at internet photos I had seen the older part of the Hall, which has a certain gravitas. What I didn’t see until we got there was the huge modern additions that turn the Hall into a Golf and Spa Hotel. It is not a sympathetic extension. Modern and blocky it is an incongruous pairing.

The dining room was in the older part of the Hall and was all dark wood grand-ness which settled me down a bit, and the Restaurant Manager was charming and helpfuland ushered us to our table promptly. It was set simply, with modern crockery and large enough to accommodate tea pots, cake stands and all my blog writing paraphernalia without difficulty. The music for the afternoon was contemporary, I think in the hopes of pleasing a family audience.

I had specified in advance that I was vegetarian, and having checked this, the Manager outlined what sandwiches we could expect, Mr W would be treated to beef and duck and I might get roasted vegetables, miracles with cheese and specially prepared delights. We were also offered a choice of two flavoured scones each and we both chose the white chocolate and banana to which I added the pumpkin and Mr W added the cinnamon. We both opted for tea.

The tea pot arrived promptly, although it was on the small side for two inveterate tea drinkers as we are. They did fill it again promptly when asked though. The crockery was a modern design and whilst nicely set with cutlery and a napkin the cutlery was old and well used and a bit shabby. Not a problem in an establishment going for that look, Slaley Hall is not one of those places.

After a brief hiatus the food was put in front of us. The cake stand looked lovely, and the sandwiches were particularly attractive, gorgeously vibrant varieties of breads with tempting fillings. Then my vegetarian sandwiches were plonked down. What a disappointment, thick white sliced bread, still with crusts attached and singularly unappealing contents, including Tuna. Now I hadn’t said I ate fish so assuming a vegetarian would is rather strange. The others were plain, dry cheese, an insipid egg mayonnaise and cheese and coleslaw. None of them tasted of anything and I felt rather cheated watching Mr W obviously enjoy his lovely fare, although, to give him his due, he did swap his smoked salmon for my tuna as he felt sorry for me. Still it did not make up for the delights promised.

We moved onto the cake and after a little discussion Mr W did acquiesce and followed the Way of the Tea by having cake first. I started with a chocolate mousse slice that was too well set, very solid for a mousse, and did not taste very much of actual chocolate, and followed it with a strawberry mousse slice that was still frozen in the middle and tasted of nothing much. A brown macaron followed that I think was supposed to be coffee, it was chewy and crispy in the right places but nothing special. I finished off with a tiny lemon meringue tart. The filling was lovely and sharp and the meringue piped on top crisp and sweet, however the pastry case was not good, floppy, soft and unappetising. Mr W was equally underwhelmed with it all.

So we turned to the scones to save the day. They were not the scones we had ordered, instead we had a plain and a fruit one each and in the absence of any staff to sort this out we went for it as we were hoping for some bright spot in this tea. We were not illuminated. The fruit scone was dry and the plain undercooked, there was nowhere near enough jam or butter for two scones each and although the cream was clotted it wasn’t very nice. No fat scones for us and we both left quite a bit.

Now to give the restaurant manager his due when he finally resurfaced he was very apologetic about the scone debacle and offered to get us the correct ones to take with us. I just didn’t feel confident that they would be nice so we turned this down and as he was so nice I didn’t have the heart to complain about everything else. Especially after he gave us a discount for the wrong scones.

So off we scooted back to our holiday accommodation, getting a bit lost on the way due to Mr W’s insistence on driving anywhere he doesn’t know at top speed in the belief that if we get lost we find out quickly and can turn around and get back quickly. Except this time he refused to turn around and only slowed down when I threatened to be sick in the car. He can be almost as stubborn as me – unbelievable!

 

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                ***          Friendly, but undermined by the kitchen errors

Amount of Food:                ***         Enough, but didn’t spoil dinner later

Quality of Food:                **           Dry vegetarian sandwiches and not very well made cakes and scones

Value for money:              **            Not brilliant – but better with the offered discount

Comments:                         ‘Looks like two different hotels’ ‘ I liked the meat sandwiches, very fancy’

The website is here https://www.qhotels.co.uk/our-locations/slaley-hall/ they are on Trip Advisor here https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g2549665-d191791-Reviews-Slaley_Hall-Slaley_Hexham_Northumberland_England.html and they are also on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pintrest.

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCkpzqqog4k

 

 

 

#43 The BYGONE GLORIES TEA

The Bygone Glories Tea – Tuesday 3rd January 2017      

The Imperial Hotel, Blackpool, Lancashire £25.00 for The Afternoon Tea for two

What a day for the first Afternoon Tea of the New Year! Wet, dark and grey as only blustery Blackpool can be in the depths of winter. My sister K and I ventured to this hotel to use a forgotten voucher before it expired and to spend some quality sister time. We’ve been spending a bit more time together lately, and our reminiscing about family holidays, clubbing escapades and barmy relatives has been supplemented by new adventures, which will stand us in good stead for giggles for a fair few years.

The edifice of the hotel is impressive, all Victorian grandeur and pomp, and inside the décor reflects the outside, high ceilings, grand salons with grand names like The Palm Court and The Churchill Room, all harking back to a more genteel era in Blackpool’s history. The atmosphere is sedate at this time of year and whiff of faded glories pervades. The warmth drew us in, chandeliers gleamed brightly and we were swiftly ushered to deep armchairs out of the cold and rain.

The Afternoon Tea here comes in two varieties, sweet and savoury, which is a nice touch and the friendly staff were quick to take our orders for the sweet variety with tea. Not one eyelash was batted when I asked for a vegetarian (ish) selection of sandwiches, which is the mark of a truly classy place in my opinion, staff trained to make no fuss when out of the way requests are made. They even asked as to my preference to accompaniment to a cheese variety.

A pot of tea arrived promptly, and we had time to get a good way down it before the food arrived. This is by no way of a complaint as the food that arrived was obviously freshly prepared for us and the scones were still warm, even after we had eaten the rest of the food.

Sandwiches were a fairly standard selection, cheese and tomato, egg mayonnaise and smoked salmon. All were on nice fresh bread and were tasty. The egg mayo was good and eggy, without being overpowered by mayo, and the salmon was nice and soft and not too smoky.

There was a good variety of cakes and I went with the Victoria Sponge first. It was moist but a bit bland and not particularly tasting as if it was ‘home-made’ on the premises, rather from a specialist bakery. I followed it up with a disappointing lemon tart that had soft pastry and was sweet rather than tart. Next I went for the chocolate delice, that had a lovely soft cake with a rum undertone to it, but again tasted like it was made by a bakery rather than on the premises. Finally I went with the Eton Mess, which I liked best of the cakes, so today the Cake Strategy worked for a change. There was a thick, crispy and chewy meringue layered with sweet cream and strawberries. The fruit was of the canned/preserved variety, but plump and juicy and entirely appropriate for a winter dessert.

There was still room for the warm scone, which was correctly served with butter, jam and clotted cream.  There was plenty to make fat scones for both of us, and I set about it with alacrity. I tried to persuade K she was eating her scone all wrong as she prefers just butter, she gamely tried it with jam and cream for me but wasn’t convinced and stubbornly went back to her own way. Older sisters can be pesky like that. The scones themselves were chewy with plenty of fruit and nice and buttery, so ended the Tea very nicely.

We had been left to our own devices somewhat by now, and had to go searching for refills for our tea pot and milk jug to fortify us for the journey home. By now the drizzle had turned more insistent and the darkness was of the looming variety rather than the pleasant type and a tummy full of tea was the only remedy for the gloom.

Despite my reputation for a teeny tiny bladder I can assure you we made it home without any emergency stops to find suitable bushes….

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                **1/2     friendly and unflustered but we were rather left to our own devices

Amount of Food:                **1/2    enough but not over faced

Quality of Food:                **1/2     a bit hit and miss

Value for money:              **1/2     price was good but have had better for this amount of money

Description:                         ‘the scone was nice’ ‘helpful staff’

The website is here https://www.thehotelcollection.co.uk/hotels/imperial-hotel-blackpool

They are here on trip advisor https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g186332-d214930-Reviews-The_Imperial_Hotel-Blackpool_Lancashire_England.html   and also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram as part of their group The Hotel Collection.

And my suggested track for today’s tea is silence. There was not background music and it was a bit weirdly quiet, so to give you a flavour I suggest you have complete silence when reading this.

 

 

#38 The SECOND CHANCE TEA

The Second Chance Tea – Sunday 18th September 2016      

Clarence House Hotel, Dalton-in-Furness, Cumbria £16.95 for Afternoon Tea

I have had an increasingly nagging sense of unease for a week or so now. Something I have forgotten or misplaced, but I’m not sure what. I am chasing my own tail at the moment but keeping up with things generally, if erratically, so what could it be? It came to me in a flash this morning. I haven’t blogged this Tea. I am usually pretty prompt so this one has truly slipped away from me.

It was J’s birthday and we wanted somewhere to go for a treat but not too far from home. This is becoming difficult now as I have sampled most of the local establishments and am trying not to double up just yet until I reach at least number 50. I must confess I have been avoiding this place as I had a Tea there a few years ago, pre-blog, and was not impressed. It seemed a good opportunity to give it a second chance and off we trotted with W and the fragrant Mrs HW in tow.

I had a slight wobble in the carpark as there were empty cans liberally strewn along the bottom of the wall, but we were greeted cheerily enough and seated in the front conservatory briefly to order tea and wait until our table was ready. We were then led into the main dining room to be greeted by a glorious display on a beautifully set table. The cake stand was attractively arranged with sandwiches and cakes and we were eager to get started.

Having ordered ahead for vegetarians we were well supplied with a variety of non-meat sandwiches on several kinds of bread. There were cheese, tomato, egg mayo and cucumber with a rogue ham and a tuna one for J who does eat meat. Well cut into nice sized fingers they looked lovely but were all very bland and needed seasoning, and the tomato was completely flavourless, and so overall they were disappointing. The accompanying thick cut crisps were good though.

We rapidly moved on to the cakes and adopting my cake strategy I went for the brownie first. Gooey, soft and rich it was lovely and I had high hopes for the rest of the spread. Up next were two profiteroles each, full of cream but with a very soft choux pastry so I only ate one, and a macaron that looked lovely but was under baked and too soft. Next I went for the pannacotta with a tart forest fruits topping. The fruits were lovely and sharp but the underneath cream was rubbery and just too thick so I left most of it. Finally a little lemon sponge cake which was lovely. Soft cake, fresh cream and a crunch of crystallised lemon on top. Definitely the best of the lot.

So to the scones. Two each, one plain, one fruit, with plenty of jam, clotted cream, butter and strawberries to go with them. Big fat scones were made of both as I had plenty of room left having not eaten some of the cakes. Sadly the toppings were the best part. The plain one was a bit tasteless and the fruit one wasn’t cooked through. Really quite lacklustre.

Looking through my notebook for this tea there isn’t a lot written, which means that the quality of the conversation outstripped the food by a long way. It didn’t stand out enough for me to interrupt my nattering to write many notes and whilst we always have a lot to talk about there usually is plenty of opportunity to write about the food. We were also not disturbed by staff, as there seemed to be only one person there covering the whole place and we had to go looking for tea pot top ups and the prosecco I wanted to order as a treat for J’s birthday.

The company was excellent though and we lingered a fair while, sipping tea and avoiding going back to our various responsibilities. We all had a good old moan and I think felt better for it. I know I did, and I have decided that having the odd glass of fizzy now and then certainly cheers my soul. It may become a feature…..

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                **            Although they were friendly we had to look for staff for top ups

Amount of Food:               ***          It was adequate but not overwhelming

Quality of Food:                **1/2      A triumph of style over substance

Value for money:              **            An expensive venue that didn’t live up to its promise of elegance

Description:                        ‘Sandwiches a bit bland’ ‘It looks gorgeous but tastes very ordinary’

The website is here http://www.clarencehouse-hotel.co.uk/

They are on Trip Advisor https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g954030-d578755-Reviews-Clarence_House_Country_Hotel_Restaurant-Dalton_in_Furness_Cumbria_England.html   they are also on Facebook and Twitter

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cgDIa9ndcY

 

 

#37 The GIRD YOUR LOINS TEA

The Gird Your Loins Tea – Saturday 27th August 2016      

The Duke of Edinburgh Hotel, Barrow-in-Furness, Cumbria £10.95 for Afternoon Tea (£3 extra for a glass of prosecco)

So the summer holidays for those of us in the English education system draws to a close and it was time for me and the lovely W to have a catch up as we haven’t seen each other since the end of July. It was also time for the now annual back to school tea to fortify ourselves for the onslaught of a new term and the dark slog to Christmas. That makes it sound like we are being forced down the pit or something. Not the right image at all. It’s just that by the time we get to Christmas the days are short, nights are long, and these balmy, hazy summer afternoons just a distant Shangri-La of hope.

On arrival our table was waiting in the main bar area and we were quickly provided with a big pot of tea and asked if we would like anything stronger too. In light of our need for bracing against the relentless pull of the Autumn Term we decided to go the whole hog and order a whole bottle of prosecco rather than just a mere glass each. A good plan. Alternating a sip of bubbles and a slurp of tea made for a jolly afternoon.

Our cake stand was of the slate variety, and definitely wobbly, but was packed full of enough food to make us want to dive straight in. The big pile of sandwiches on the bottom layer provided us with three large fingers of 4 kinds of sandwiches, all meat free as I had remembered to tell them in advance that both of us didn’t eat it. It did mean we had two fish varieties, which is not a problem for me but W doesn’t really eat much fish at all so it was a bit of overkill for her. The cheese savoury was a good sandwich, not too much mayo and a good cheesy flavour, and the sunblush tomato and cream cheese was nice too, if a little heavy handed on the tomato. W tried the tuna mayo sandwich and pronounced it just ‘OK’ whilst I tucked into the thickly filled smoked salmon and cream cheese variety. A decent selection, but rather a reliance on cream cheese I felt.

The cakes on the stand were next, and the cake strategy was put into action. Sort of. There were three little macarons each. I will not call them dainty as they were a bit lumpen and not smooth as a macaron should be and had one half bigger than the other. We decided in determining our tactics to start with one of them then have a cake, then a macaron, then a cake, finishing off with a macaron. Tasting the first macaron was a bit disappointing, it was overcooked, far too crispy, full of lumps of almond and sandwiched with cream. Not a good start. The lemon drizzle cake made up for this though. It was moist, sweet and the raspberry on top gave a fantastic tart contrast to the sugariness of the cake. I had another macaron, and was disappointed all over again so decided to call it a day with them and not go for the final one, I instead just ate the dense, fudgy brownie which was so darkly chocolatey that it left a dry after taste.

And finally we got to the scones, with jam and Chantilly cream. They were a bit dry, although full of fruit and could have done with a bit of butter before applying the jam and cream. The jam was from one of those individual pots that I am not a fan of, but was a nice strawberry flavour, but there really could have been more of it to make the scone less dry. The Chantilly cream bothered me, however. Not the fact that it was Chantilly not clotted, that I can forgive for such a bargain price. But it just tasted odd, not of vanilla as it should but very strongly almondy. In fact it was so odd I scraped most of it off my second half of scone as I really didn’t like it at all.

We sat for a fair while after we had finished eating. There was prosecco to drink and no rush to be anywhere. There were also stories of holidays to catch up on and other Teas to plan and it was nice to sit and not be rushing to drive off back home as we had both arrived on shank’s pony, having planned in advance we were having our bubbles. But as the ‘finished shopping and dropping in for a quick snifter on the way home’ crowd began to morph into the ‘early start for a good Saturday night sesh’ mob we called it a day. The venue is, after all, a pub bar without much of a view apart from the busy road outside and that can only entertain for so long.

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                ***          Prompt and attentive in a pub bar staff kind of way

Amount of Food:               ***          We weren’t overwhelmed with food, but there was a decent amount of sandwiches each

Quality of Food:                **1/2      The cakes were generally not a good bake

Value for money:              ***          Not bad as the food was fresh and definitely made on the premises

Description:                        ‘High quality napkins’ ‘bit of a Brit Pop vibe here’

The website is here http://www.dukeofedinburghhotel.co.uk/

They are on Trip Advisor https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g190821-d679951-Reviews-The_Duke_of_Edinburgh_Hotel-Barrow_in_Furness_Lake_District_Cumbria_England.html  they are also on Facebook.

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzQYtpjMjSo

 

#36 The MAD HATTER TEA

The Mad Hatter Tea – Thursday 25th August 2016      

The Curious Café, Chapel Brow, Leyland, Lancashire £9.95 for ‘Walk-In’ Afternoon Tea

Another day spent with my little chum ‘The Whirlwind’ and his side-kick the Big Lad. We had been promising to go to The Curious Café for quite some time as The Whirlwind is rather partial to a spot of Alice in Wonderland and that just happens to be the theme of this friendly café on the outskirts of Leyland town Centre. We had discovered in the depths of winter last year when the Big Lad had a guitar exam in Leyland on a cold wet Sunday morning and we both needed a cup of something hot to cheer us up.

We arrived just as the dinnertime rush was leaving and were ushered to a table in a secluded corner with a great view of the whole café but secure enough for both boys, who are of the more nervy persuasion in social situations, to feel at home. They are also of the ‘no afternoon tea thank you’ persuasion so it was just me partaking of a Tea today, although I was not cruel enough to let them sit and watch me un-refreshed themselves and both ate and drank their fill from elsewhere on the menu.

There are three varieties of afternoon tea here, only one available unbooked, or ‘walk-in’, which is the one I had. I, naturally, chose tea to drink, two types of sandwich from a menu of about 6 different kinds and a huge piece of lemon and blueberry cake. In the Tea menu there is a choice of cake or scone and as we were quite late in the day I was too late for a scone so the pain of choice was lessened.

Drinks came rapidly and there was enough time to explore the toilets looking for Alice and the White Rabbit before our freshly prepared food arrived. Mine was on a cake stand with a big ‘Eat Me’ label attached. The Whirlwind was delighted and every time I ate something I had to pretend I grew and then take a sip of tea to shrink again. It was hilarious and uproarious fun.

The smell was amazing. You could certainly tell everything was fresh and home-made. Firstly there was a cup of hot, rich tomato soup which was full of flavour, accompanied by four triangles of sandwich, two of each flavour. I had cheese and pickle and tuna mayo. Both were nicely filled and tasted lovely. This was followed by a warm little savoury cheese and onion quiche which was very good, flaky pastry and a strong cheesy filling.

Next came the tray bakes, a dainty finger each of a syrupy fruity flapjack and a runny caramel millionaires shortbread. Both were a delicious treat. There was also a crisp, buttery little shortbread biscuit with a fondant clock face on, to tie in with the theme of the café. No amount of persuading could make The Whirlwind give it a go but he was desperate for the Big Lad to try it to see if he would grow even bigger. Disappointingly for The Whirlwind it didn’t. Relief for me though, it’s hard enough to get all seven foot of him in the car as it is.

The final treat was a rather large slice of Lemon and Blueberry cake. A soft moist sponge with tangy lemon icing filled with lovely buttercream and blueberries. I was compelled to share with the Big Lad as he was drooling as I ate it and it felt mean not to. I did feel the lack of a scone, as I am rather partial to them, and having to choose between cake or scone seems a bit alien to me. Really my only complaint about the whole tea and I would have happily paid extra for one too.

Before leaving we had a bit of an explore around the rest of the café, which has some lovely in-keeping features. Decorated tables, pictures, knick-knacks and a black and white frieze of a tree with characters from the Disney film to spot. The Whirlwind loved it, and the staff were really friendly and kind pointing things out and gamely joining in our ‘Where’s Alice’ hunt.

By now it was getting a bit late in the day and reluctantly we decided just to go straight home. Both boys were on top form though and I was treated to a full rendition of The Wizard of Oz, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Christmas carols with lyrics and dialogue altered to point out how small and hobbitty I am. Charming and endearing. For an hour and a half. Not.

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                ***1/2    Really helpful and friendly

Amount of Food:               ***          Just the right amount for a quick treat

Quality of Food:                ***1/2    Everything very fresh and definitely home baked

Value for money:              ***          I was very happy for the price, but would have paid more for a scone too

Description:                        ‘I think Alice is in the kitchen helping the White Rabbit’ ‘Fantastic theme’ ‘delicious home-baking’

The website is here http://www.thecuriouscafe.co.uk/

They are on Trip Advisor https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g1076986-d9832161-Reviews-The_Curious_Cafe-Leyland_Lancashire_England.html they are also on Facebook and Twitter.

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NTaIvmqIKc

 

#34 The SECOND ANTIPODEAN TEA

The Second Antipodean Tea – Sunday 7^th August 2016      

The George, 216 St Georges Terrace, Perth, Australia AUD$60 for Grand Cru High Tea with a glass of French Champagne

Lucky old me! Another tea so soon after the first in Australia. My lovely friend A had arranged us another tea accompanied by her friend G, whose birthday it just happened to be and the perfect excuse for a High Tea accompanied by a glass of Mumm champagne in celebration.

Attracted by the promise of classy food, and a swanky environment we were keen to get started on this one. Service was quick and we were soon seated in a fairly noisy room at a rather plainly set table with our champagne, choice of tea from an extensive list and (you may have to sit down for this one, it’s a shocker…) ….red cream soda scones with Chantilly cream and balsamic chilli raspberry jam.

Yes! Your eyes do not deceive you, they served the scones first. Admittedly they were warm, crisp and dense and could be piled high with cream and the delicious jam, but they were tart rather than buttery and just a little disorientating given they were served first before anything else. The rest of the tea was delivered on a cake stand after we had finished the scones. Still we were on another continent and they do things differently here.

 

Following in the footsteps of my previous Australian High Tea there was a more generous selection of warm savouries alongside the sandwiches than is commonplace in the UK and I was happy to give them a good tasting. Again a selection to suit my vegetarian tastes had been provided (although I must admit I had also weakened on the matter of smoked salmon which I can rarely resist) and I started with a buttery croissant filled with cheese and tomato. I enjoyed the flavourful filling but A and G were less convinced with their chicken and sweetcorn as they felt it was, in fact, too sweet. We all had a puff pastry pinwheel with blue cheese and mushroom which was very nice and very mushroomy, and followed it with a gorgeous little caramelised onion and cheese tartlet which was crisp on the outside and delightfully creamy and soft inside.

Hot on their heels we tucked into the sandwiches, all of which I thoroughly enjoyed. There was cream cheese and cucumber on black bread, which was the best of the three, smoked salmon and cream cheese on a bagel that tasted more like a brioche and a dainty little crostini. A and G had a chewy prosciutto, and I had a delicious garlicky tzatziki with onion marmalade which was creamy and not too vinegary.

Our final round was the bite sized cakes. Beautifully presented, some slightly ‘out there’ ingredients and looking inviting. I went with the chocolate cup filled with a white chocolate and fennel mousse first. I knew this would be the right choice as I have a slight queasiness and greenness around the gills for anything aniseedy or tasting of liquorish (and naturally completely unrelated to any student drinking episodes involving pernod). I was right. Whilst A and G decided they could not taste the fennel, I could and did not like it. The chocolate cup was nice though. Secondly I went for the macaron, of which I am usually a big fan. This was a bit strange though, too fragile and explosive, tasted of orange but not enough to overpower the almond in the macaron base. The last was a Snickers tart with popping candy, which I loved. Soft caramel, peanuts, lovely thin pastry and popping candy, what’s not to like there? This time my cake strategy worked.

I did like this tea, but left feeling a little dissatisfied. The service was a bit lacklustre, the table rather plain and there were chips in various pieces of the crockery that had to be replaced. The background music was so quiet as to be almost invisible and the overall atmosphere was really quite subdued. There were some really good points to the food, especially the savouries and sandwiches and the Snickers tart. But I am a purist with my Teas and I prefer to have my scone at the end to finish my meal and I felt that it just didn’t flow right this way.

Leaving G to work off her calories by walking home A and I strolled back to the car and drove back to her place where the men and kids were waiting for us to entertain them. We obliged.

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                **1/2      Understated and quite distant

Amount of Food:               **1/2      We ate it all and were quite full at the time but were hungry later

Quality of Food:                ***1/2    Savouries and sandwiches were the stars, with a special mention for the snickers tart.

Value for money:              Again it is difficult to say as it is the equivalent of £35 and for the cost it does not compare well at all in the UK. However, against other Teas in Western Australia, and given that it is at a swanky hotel in the middle of a big city and includes a glass of expensive champagne, I think it is very competitively priced.

Description:                        ‘That tartlet was to die for’

The website is here http://www.thegeorgeperth.com.au/

They are on Trip Advisor https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g255103-d1935378-Reviews-The_George-Perth_Greater_Perth_Western_Australia.html  they are also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPToAE5f3lI (but play it really, really quietly so you can hardly hear it to get the same experience we had)

 

#33 The FIRST ANTIPODEAN TEA

The First Antipodean Tea – Saturday 30^th July 2016      

The Lavender Bistro, Swan Valley, Perth, Australia AUD$34 for High Tea with Sparkling Rosé

The eagle eyed amongst you will have noticed two things immediately about this blog. Firstly it is published a staggering 3 weeks after the event, where usually it is within days, and secondly that it was, in fact, consumed in Australia, which is the reason for the delay. Yes indeedy, I have been on my travels, taking the husband and children with me, and we have visited lovely friends in lovely Western Australia. So now I can accurately claim that my afternoon tea musings are an international, if not world-wide, phenomenon.

My dear and lovely friend A who is Australian and who I have known for years, having shared a flat together in London and many adventures that are now the subject of a restraining order all on their own, was really keen to take me on an exploration of the Australian version of the Afternoon Tea whilst I was visiting. Things are slightly different here. Dining is less formal in general, often accompanied by alcohol and the Tea here is called High Tea. I was keen to sample what was on offer and share it with A, especially as she promised that each one could be accompanied by bubbles of an alcoholic variety.

Our first adventured was in the Swan Valley wine producing area. A great place to start, and making the most of our escape from respective spouses and my children we took a short detour on the way to sample wine and chocolate. Excellent plan!

The Lavender Bistro is a busy, café style establishment with a small shop attached selling lavender themed goodies from the edible to lotions, potions and decorated gifts. We had a window table, that was lovely and bright but with a view of the car park. Good job we came for the food.

First to be served was a lovely glass of sparkling Rosé, which bubbled brightly and went down far too easily. It was swiftly followed by a cake stand filled with vegetarian treats which they had provided at short notice. The cake stand had a really pretty lavender motif on it and the plain white crockery was complimented by purple serviettes and a purple water bottle which nicely matched my phone case. How did they know?

We tackled the savouries first as they were fresh and warm and smelling too delicious to wait for. There was a crispy filo shell with a spicy red pepper filling, a warm pumpkin tart with deliciously thin and crumbly pastry and the most divine herb scone which was crisp on the outside, soft on the inside, with the right amount of herb flavour and definitely not claggy.

Next up was the sandwiches, curried egg mayo and tuna mayo with capers both bursting with flavour and tangy on the taste buds. Neither filling I had had before and both of which I will definitely be trying at home. Finally a colourful little brioche style bun with crunchy cucumber and cream cheese that tasted properly of cucumber. A good selection.

It was at this point I held forth about the Cake strategy to A. Whilst I told her I didn’t expect her to eat them in the same order she was educated in the Way of the Tea, learned how to approach the cake and to leave the scone until last and thus she became a new devotee. (No this is not another way of saying indoctrinated thank you.)

First up was a little chocolate bun with buttercream. We think it was also mixed with banana as it was not very chocolatey at all and had that strange elastic texture that you get from adding banana to cake. The buttercream was really sweet too. A charmingly presented piece of carrot cake was better and had juicy chunks of pineapple in it as well as walnuts, and the cream cheese frosting was nice. This was followed by a crisp pastry tart containing a soft vanilla custard which was lovely. The strawberry slices on top were not so lovely, very watery and no flavour to them unfortunately.

And so there was left two little lavender scones each. They were a bit chewy and rubbery and very over-poweringly lavender in flavour. The jam was nice, strawberry infused with lavender and the cream was Chantilly (I don’t think Australian tastes run to clotted cream so I am making allowances and definitely not making a fuss) but the overall scone impression was not favourable.

Our pots of tea were served at this point, mine a good English Breakfast and A had Lavender which smelled like toilet cleaner but tasted ok. The Lavender theme is strong throughout the tea, the cake stand is decorated prettily, the table had lavender flowers on it and details are picked out in a robust purple. You are in no doubt that this is a Lavender Bistro.

As July is definitely Australian Winter (laughs hysterically at the lack of cold…..) it starts getting dark early and so before we lost the light it was time to jump back into the car and head off to retrieve husbands and children who had been looking at animals all afternoon.

I think we had the better time.

Overall marks (out of 5 stars)

Service:                                ***          Friendly but not over solicitous

Amount of Food:               ***          We ate it all and were full, but I managed dinner later

Quality of Food:                **1/2      Savouries by far the best part

Value for money:              Difficult to say as it is the equivalent of £20 and for the cost it does not compare particularly well in the UK. However, against other Teas in Western Australia I think it is very competitively priced.

Description:                        ‘love the herb scones’ ‘Nothing is too big’

The website is here http://www.lavenderbistro.com.au/

They are on Trip Advisor https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g2146238-d2007515-Reviews-Cape_Lavendar-West_Swan_Swan_Valley_Greater_Perth_Western_Australia.html  they are also on Facebook and Twitter.

 

And my suggested track for today’s tea is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxkipcAcLXs to go with the Lavender theme!